$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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