Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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