I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
