I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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