you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
