it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
