It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
