wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have fence marks all over my body
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
