I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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