all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
