Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That's how pantless uber rides happen
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize