First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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