it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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