Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
