You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
