Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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