I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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