What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
