Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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