Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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