Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
