hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
MIDGETS
????
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
