My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize