Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize