I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
