I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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