tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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