SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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