That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
