You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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