Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
