Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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