normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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