The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
