Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There r osticjed everywhere
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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