shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize