Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
