There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I currently don't understand fingers.
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