can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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