I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
