is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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