it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
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