No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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