Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize