if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
