May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
