Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
