everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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