Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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