I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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