he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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