I want to have your abortion
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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