Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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