LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
