I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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