I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
zippers are such a cool invention
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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