So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
