no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
