she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
