Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
