If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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