I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
