I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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