The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
