so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
