this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
