Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
