I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
