You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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