she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
