I'm lost and stupid without you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
