I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
