I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
