So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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