What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
