I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
